Hey Jules
by LongLiveLennon
Summary: "There's this one moment each morning that I look forward too. That moment when I first wake up, and forget everything that has happened. But then I realize you're not laying next to me, and everything just comes flooding back. I wish you hadn't went to arrest him, Juliet. You knew he was dangerous. But you went, and he... and h-he shot you. I should have been there. One-Shot


He isn't sure he can do this.

Shawn Spencer had never been one to be nervous, but right now, it felt as if he couldn't breath.

_Come on, Shawn._ He says to himself, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. _It's just Jules. She doesn't bite._

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his shaking body as he takes baby steps towards her.

The haunting melody of the whipping wind fills his ears, sending a tremor through his body. Maybe it's not the wind that's making him cold. Maybe it's the cold, hard atmosphere of the cemetery.

He passes the graves of others, people who are buried six feet under, people whose lives ended too short, people who got to live, people who would soon be forgotten. He hates the fact that she had become one of them. She didn't deserve to be here. No, his Juliet deserved much more than to be stuffed in a casket and buried within the confines of dirt.

He paces himself, his breathing becoming erratic as he sees her tombstone. His heart beats wildly in his chest, telling him not to go, warning him that it will hurt. His mind urges him to go, tells him that it's the only way to make it better. He wants to make it better, to not have himself feel this hurt, this pain that has consumed him every second that she's been gone. So he continues walking to her grave, to make things better, to let her back into his heart.

No one else is at the cemetery today; even the birds have refused to come. It's just Shawn and his Juliet. But only one of them would come out of here today, still breathing, still walking the earth.

_This isn't so bad,_ He thinks to himself. He tries not to be afraid, but he is. Afraid that visiting her grave actually means she's gone, a fact that he can't bear to hold. Afraid that he's let her down because he wasn't there to save her. The simple fact was that Shawn Spencer was afraid to confront himself about her death.

He finally reaches her grave, the grave that he hasn't seen since her funeral three months ago. He feels bad, no, terrible, for not visiting her, but he couldn't bring himself to. But now, he's promised himself he'll visit her everyday, so she won't be alone. She didn't deserve to be alone. Neither did he.

He isn't sure how to start. What does he say? There's so many things to tell her; how much he misses her, how much he needs her, how he can't go on without her. But he doesn't start by telling her those things. He'll talk to her like they were having an everyday conversation.

"Hey Jules," He manages to choke out. There, he thinks, that's a good way to start.

He places the flowers he's been holding, daisies, her favorite, on her grave.

"I wanted to bring you one of those Edible Arrangement baskets, you know, with the pineapple flowers? Gus said no, of course, because it'll just rot or some birds will eat it. I told him to stop being Anthony Michael Hall from The Breakfast Club." Shawn gives a small smile at his own joke.

"I'm doing better, Jules. I mean, I started joking around again. When you first left, I was terrible. I mean, I couldn't even leave my apartment. But I'm almost back to my old self. I even managed to go back to the police station today."

The tears are coming now, hot and fast. "Damn, I promised myself I wouldn't cry," He mumbles, hurriedly wiping the tears from his eyes. He doesn't want her to see him broken down. He then remembers what she always used to tell Shawn; that everyone cried. No one was invincible. It was okay to break down every once in awhile. That was what made people human. So he lets himself cry, for her. So she can see that he did listen, that she was the only girl he ever let into his heart.

"Um, Lassie, he has a-a new partner. I hate her, Juliet. I know I shouldn't but I do. She sits at your desk, you know. She sits there, and doesn't even know how amazing you were. How much we all cared about you. She sits there, and doesn't even know, doesn't even care that you're gone. She can't take your place, Jules, no one can."

"So, I started watching that show you love, _The Voice_. I actually kind of like it. I don't know what you saw in Adam Levine, though, he sings like a girl." He can just imagine her face as he says that, the way her nose would wrinkle up if she was upset.

"You know, that's why I'd make you upset sometimes. I loved the why you wrinkled your nose up. It was so cute." He gives another small smile at the memories that come flooding back to him, memories that he kept locked away, buried deep within his heart. He embraces them, lets them wrap around him like a blanket of warmth. Unlike he thought, it doesn't hurt to see the memories of her, of every touch, every smile. In fact, its quite the opposite. The memories make him feel better, fill the hole left in his heart.

"Gus is doing good, too. We've started hanging out like we used to. In fact, I'm meeting him for smoothies later. He doesn't know it, but he's paying." He can almost hear her laugh, the laugh that he loved, and way her blue eyes lit up when she looked at him.

"I miss you, Jules. The world seems so different without you. It seems...colder. I don't know how to explain it. Even when the sun is out, the world feels cold to me. It's weird."

He looks down at his feet, unable to look at the tombstone. He takes a deep breath, and looks up at it again. He needs to do this. He needs to let her know what he feels. He needs to let out his feelings, and let her back in.

"You know what sucks? That fifty years from now, no one will know who you were. That no one will remember how much you were loved, that they won't care. You'll just become another tombstone, another grave, in this damn cemetery. And that's unfair, because, Jules, you deserve so much better than that. You deserve not to be forgotten."

He fumbles with his words, the anger rising in him. He won't let that happen. He won't let Juliet be forgotten.

"This is gonna sound crazy, but when I really need to hear your voice, I'll call your phone. You never pick up, of course, but I get to hear your voice on that automated message thing. I can hear myself in the background, too. I can't believe you used the one we recorded together. I was tickling you, remember? You could barely talk, never mind record a message."

He lets out a laugh, the laugh he hasn't let out in three months.

"There's this one moment each morning that I look forward too. That moment when I first wake up, and forget everything that has happened. But then I realize you're not laying next to me, and everything just comes flooding back. I wish you hadn't went to arrest him, Juliet. You knew he was dangerous. But you went, and he... and h-he shot you. I swear Jules, if I was there, I would've pushed you out of the way. I would've taken that bullet for you. But I wasn't there. And I should've have been. Gus tells me to stop blaming myself, but... but I can't. And I want to let you know that I don't blame you for anything. It's not your fault. The doctor said you didn't feel much pain, that you died almost instantly. That's good... but I never got to say good-bye. I never got to tell you how much I really love you. And that kills me. I wish I could've held you once more, kissed you once more. But I can't, and I'll never be able to again."

He pours it all out; all the feelings and memories he's been holding back. For the first time since her death, he feels like he'll make it. He lets her back into his heart, and he'll keep her there.

"So, Jules, I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I promise. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the next day, and the next..." He can hear her saying "Alright Shawn, I get it. I'll see you everyday."

As he turns on his heel, the world suddenly doesn't feel so cold. And out in the distance, he can hear the birds, their chirping echoing through the cemetery.

He quickly turns around, facing her grave. "Oh, hey Jules! I almost forgot. If you see John Hughes up there in heaven, tell him my idea for The Breakfast Club two. I think he'll love it."

**A/N: My first attempt at a Psychfic! Yes, I killed off Jules, I'm a terrible person! I tried to make it sad, while still keeping that Shawn-y essence. I wrote this while listening to the song Hey Jude by The Beatles. It's a beautiful song, if you haven't heard it you should definitely check it out. **** I used some lines from it, but fixed the words to make it fit here. So, please, read and review.**


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